Conflict is unavoidable. Our mindset and response to conflict is not. How we approach conflict or disagreement has a huge impact on how we move past it. How we respond to, and approach conflict resolution is entirely up to us. Here are 5 key tips to keep in mind when a conflict needs to be addressed.
Deal with it – putting off dealing with conflict will only make it worse. Feelings and misunderstandings will grow and fester. A key part of management is being able to deal with disagreement quickly to avoid it growing into bigger problems down the road.
Positive mindset – When it comes down it, conflict is really a difference of opinion and an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn’t have to be difficult, hard or impossible to solve. When we approach our differing opinions with curiosity and compassion for the other person, it can make all the difference in getting to a positive outcome.
Investigate the conflict – Asking questions to help understand the context, intention and impact will help the other person feel respected, safe, and heard. This opens the opportunity to get a clear picture of what is going on. Some questions that you may ask are:
- What triggered the conflict?
- What’s the real struggle here?
- Who are you angry with?
- What do you need or want in this situation?
- What is at stake here for you?
- What other perspectives might be useful here?
- How might this conflict be resolved?
Listen actively –Being curious about where the other person is coming from can quickly diffuse a tense situation. Ask a question and then actually listen to the answer. Often, we listen to respond versus really hearing what the other person is saying. Putting your own thoughts aside while you hear the other persons’ perspective will quickly shift the mood from conflict to greater understanding.
Use “I” statements – When you do present your own thoughts in a conflict situation, take some time to work through how you feel, what the specific problem is and what impact it is having on you. Use I -based statements to help do this (see formula below).
- I feel (strongest feeling)
- When I see/hear/observe (objective description of the behavior)
- Because (specific impact or consequences)
- I would like (what you want the person to do in the future to prevent the problem)
Managing tensions, disagreements and differing opinions can be dealt with in a way that leaves everyone feeling safe and heard. Addressing it quickly with a positive mindset, curiosity, strong listening skills, and “I” statements will give you a much better chance of coming through it with positive outcomes and stronger relationships. Give these tips a try and see how they work for you.
